This article is about how to calm down when you are angry.
Have you ever been so angry that it felt like the whole world was going crazy? If so, you’re not alone. Anger is a common and normal human emotion. Still, if we don’t learn to control it, anger can lead to a wide range of problems, including health issues. Learn how to calm down when you’re angry by reading this article.
The 10 Forms of Anger
We have all experienced anger. Biologically, anger is an affective stress reaction to frustration. You probably don’t know that there are different kinds of anger. There are at least 10 various forms of anger, and each is different from the other. Once you understand the different types of anger, you will learn how to calm down when you’re angry.
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Here they are with the emotions that accompany them.
People who avoid anger tend to get their anger and resentment bottle up. This helps them feel safe and calm but actually increases anxiety, tension, and inability to resolve difficult situations. These people mistakenly believe that its more important to suppress emotions and be nice than authentic. The emotions that accompany anger avoidance include shame, unworthiness, anxiety, and fear.
This is also known as passive-aggressive anger. Passive-aggressive people gain control of their lives by frustrating others. Basically, they say yes and do no. This kind of anger creates unmet needs, anxiety, and a sense of victimization. The emotions that accompany passive-aggressive anger include powerlessness, envy, jealousy, fear, anxiety, vengeance, feeling unappreciated, and feeling unheard.
Paranoid anger occurs when feet someone feels, without justification, threatened by others. These people see aggression everywhere. They think others are angry, and don’t admit to their own rage. The emotions that accompany paranoid anger include fear, anxiety, shame, worthlessness, envy, jealousy, greed, betrayal, and loneliness.
Sudden anger is reactive and explosive. Sudden anger can be triggered by an event, person, or even a memory and may result in violence. People who experience sudden anger do not see the warning signs and are poor at emotional self-regulation. The emotions that accompany sudden anger include impatience, frustration, disrespect, lack of appreciation, feeling unheard, shame, embarrassment, guilt, loneliness, and fear of abandonment. If you suffer from sudden anger, you might have to learn how to calm down when you are angry.
Shame-based anger occurs in people sensitive to criticism. Often these people require a lot of attention to me, tend towards overt maladaptive narcissism. They feel worthless, not good enough, broken, and unlovable.
Their anger triggers when they feel personally attacked, insulted, or shamed. They avoid their intense feelings by criticizing and blaming others. The emotions that accompany shame-based anger include fear, anxiety, shame, embarrassment, feeling unlovable, feeling worthless, loneliness, fear of abandonment, and frustration.
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Deliberate or instrumental anger is about power. A person who deliberately uses anger controls others through coercion, threats, and even violence. The emotions that accompany deliberate anger include shame, fear, anxiety, loneliness, feeling unsafe, feeling unworthy, feeling unlovable, and fear of abandonment.
Deliberately angry people are often alexithymic, which means they cannot express their emotions. They tend to be emotionally shut down and act on affect. They avoid their emotions because their emotions are too painful.
Addictive anger creates a similar high to other types of addiction. The adrenaline rush is exciting, but there is inevitable pain and damage to self and others. The emotions that accompany addictive anger include worthlessness, not good enough, loneliness, fear, anxiety, shame, distrust, and frustration.
The habitually angry person gets angry often and usually over small things. This person wakes up angry, looks for fights, and sees the worst in everything and everybody. This person cannot have a calm conversation and is in constant argument or fight mode. Grumpiness is a form of chronic anger that combines anger and sadness. The emotions that accompany habitual anger include frustration, anxiety, fear, shame, disrespect, distrust, unhappiness, sadness, loneliness, and worthlessness.
Moral anger arises from outrage and righteous indignation. Moral anger often comes from judgmental, rigid, black-and-white thinking. Frequently, people with moral anger have very narrow worldviews and stereotype those who are different.
Morally angry people often consider themselves morally superior to everyone else. Their belief structures are simplistic and often times not based on empirical truth. The emotions that accompany moral anger include fear, anxiety, mistrust, disrespect, shame, unhappiness, sadness, loneliness, worthlessness, guilt, embarrassment, worthlessness, and feeling unlovable.
Hate is hardened anger that is an intense, unending loathing of someone or something. A person who hates as decided that another person or thing is totally evil or wrong. Typically, people who hate cannot let go of their deep anger and get on with their lives.
The emotions that accompany hate include betrayal, fear, rage, anxiety, disrespect, mistrust, and deep and abiding injustice. Hatred is also accompanied by feelings of profound loss, grief, sadness, shame, humiliation, and abandonment.
Here Are 3 Powerful Ways to Calm Down When You’re Angry.
Label Your Emotions
The fastest way to calm down when you are angry is to identify and speak all of the emotions that you are feeling in the moment. For example, you might say, “I am really angry. I feel betrayed and disrespected. I feel shame, embarrassment, and humiliation. I feel like I’m not being listened to. I feel like no one loves me, and I have been abandoned.”
Brain scanning studies show that this form of self-talk, called affect labeling, reactivates the prefrontal cortex and inhibits the brain’s emotional centers. With practice, you can learn how to calm down when you are angry using affect labeling.
Of course, this takes a little practice, but not too much. It is literally the fastest way to calm down when you’re angry. Most anger management techniques do not include this as a skill. However, it is the most effective, fastest way to calm down when you are angry because it works with how our brains are hard-wired.
Write Out The Emotions Of Anger
Write out each of the angers in this article and the associated emotions on a card. Practice while you are calm by stating the anger and then stating all of the related emotions. You might even feel other emotions. State them too. State whatever you feel. Then try bringing up a memory of the last time you were outraged and do the same exercise.
Name the anger and name all the underlying emotions. Practice this two or three times a week for about a minute. In a very short while, you will reprogram your brain to recognize your emotional state. You will recognize the emotions associated with anger. This will help you learn how to calm down when you’re angry.
Learn Emotional Competency
The long-term solution to learning how to calm down when you’re angry is to develop emotional competency. Emotional competency is those skills that are measured by emotional intelligence tests. Broadly, they included emotional awareness, self-regulation, and empathy.
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These skills must be learned, and are not innate. Our culture expects us to learn these skills in our families. However, 96% of families are emotionally dysfunctional. Emotional competency is simply not taught when there is no emotional competency to begin with. However, you can learn emotional competency at any age, and it will transform your life in amazing ways.
To learn more about how to calm down when you are angry, check out our course Developing Emotional Competency. Click on the button below.
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Doug shared these 10 types of anger with my wife & myself a week ago. Excellent in better understanding our selves and others … which prompts my compassion and fosters better communication! Wow.