January 30

How Mothers Can Use Empathy to Handle Stubborn Teens: 3 Effective And Practical Tips

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How Mothers Can Use Empathy to Handle Stubborn Teens: 3 Effective And Practical Tips

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Introduction:

Raising teenagers is no easy task, especially when they seem stubborn or resistant to guidance. As a mother, you may often find yourself at a crossroads, wondering how to connect with your teen without escalating conflicts. The secret lies in empathy—a powerful tool to bridge the gap and foster understanding. Here are three effective and practical tips for mothers to use empathy to handle stubborn teens, along with common mistakes to avoid.


1. Listen to Their Emotions Without Judgment

Stubborn teens often appear resistant, defiant, or closed off, but beneath the surface, their behavior is often driven by unprocessed emotions. When mothers focus on listening to their emotions without judgment, they create a safe space where their teen feels heard, understood, and respected. This approach can be transformative in breaking through the walls that stubborn teens often put up.


1. Stubborn Teens Want to Be Understood

Stubbornness often arises when teens feel misunderstood or dismissed. They may dig in their heels because they believe no one truly “gets” them. By listening to their emotions without judgment, mothers demonstrate that they value their teen’s feelings, even if they don’t necessarily agree with their perspective.

For example, if a stubborn teen says, “I hate school,” instead of immediately saying, “You have to go to school,” acknowledging their feelings with, “I can see school is really frustrating for you,” helps the teen feel validated. This reduces defensiveness and opens the door for a more constructive conversation.


2. Reduces Conflict and Resistance

Stubborn teens often react negatively to criticism or judgment, perceiving it as a threat to their independence. When a mother listens without judging, it signals to the teen that their thoughts and emotions are safe to share. This lowers the emotional intensity of the interaction and reduces the likelihood of a heated argument.

For instance, if a stubborn teen refuses to clean their room, instead of saying, “Why are you so lazy?” a mother might say, “It seems like you’re feeling overwhelmed today. What’s going on?” This empathetic response defuses tension and encourages cooperation.


3. Builds Trust Between Mothers and Stubborn Teens

Trust is often the missing ingredient in relationships with stubborn teens. When teens feel judged or dismissed, they become more secretive or rebellious. By consistently listening to their emotions without judgment, mothers show they are allies rather than adversaries.

Stubborn teens are more likely to confide in a parent who listens without immediately reacting or invalidating their feelings. Over time, this trust can lead to better communication and fewer instances of stubborn behavior.


4. Encourages Self-Awareness in Stubborn Teens

Listening to emotions helps stubborn teens become more aware of their own feelings. When mothers reflect back what their teen is expressing, it teaches the teen to process and articulate their emotions more effectively. For example, if a teen is angry about not being allowed to go to a party, a mother might say, “It sounds like you’re upset because you feel left out.” This not only helps the teen feel understood but also encourages them to think critically about their emotions and reactions.


5. Empathy Breaks Down Barriers

Stubborn teens often build emotional walls to protect themselves from feeling vulnerable. Listening to their emotions without judgment helps break down these barriers. When teens realize they won’t be criticized or dismissed, they feel more comfortable sharing their true feelings, which can reduce their stubbornness over time.

For example, a teen might initially refuse to talk about a bad grade, fearing punishment or judgment. But if a mother says, “I can see you’re upset about your grade. Do you want to talk about what happened?” it opens up a pathway for meaningful discussion rather than a defensive standoff.


Why This Works Specifically for Stubborn Teens

Stubborn teens thrive on control and autonomy, and they often resist anything that feels like an attack on their independence. By listening to their emotions without judgment, mothers show respect for their teen’s individuality and inner world. This approach doesn’t try to “fix” or control the teen but instead supports them in navigating their emotions, which naturally softens their resistance.


In this blog, learn 3 effective and proven techniques for mothers to handle stubborn teens with the help of empathy, improving relationships.

2. Put Yourself in Their Shoes

1. It Helps Understand the Root of Stubbornness

Stubborn teens often act out because they feel misunderstood or overwhelmed. By stepping into their shoes, mothers can better grasp what’s driving their resistance. Whether it’s stress from school, peer pressure, or a desire for independence, understanding their perspective allows mothers to address the root cause instead of just reacting to the symptoms.

For example, if a stubborn teen refuses to do their homework, putting yourself in their shoes might reveal they’re feeling burnt out or struggling with a specific subject. Instead of enforcing discipline, you can offer support, showing them you care about their well-being.


2. It Reduces Power Struggles

When stubborn teens feel overpowered or controlled, they often become even more resistant. By putting yourself in their shoes, you show that you respect their feelings and opinions. This reduces the likelihood of a power struggle and fosters collaboration instead of conflict.

For instance, if your teen insists on staying out late with friends, instead of saying, “You’re not allowed, and that’s final,” try: “I understand why you want more time with your friends. Let’s find a way that works for both of us.” This small shift can make stubborn teens feel heard and more willing to compromise.


3. It Builds Trust and Connection

Stubborn teens are often navigating a whirlwind of emotions and challenges. When a mother takes the time to step into their shoes, it sends a powerful message: I care about you and your experiences. This approach helps stubborn teens feel valued and understood, which builds trust and strengthens your bond.

Trust is particularly important when handling stubborn teens because it opens the door to honest communication. Teens who trust their parents are more likely to share their thoughts and feelings, making it easier to resolve conflicts and guide them effectively.


4. It Encourages Emotional Growth in Stubborn Teens

By modeling empathy, mothers teach stubborn teens an important life skill: how to consider other people’s perspectives. Over time, this helps them develop emotional intelligence, making them less likely to rely on stubbornness as a default response. When teens see their mothers practicing empathy, they’re more likely to reciprocate that understanding in their interactions with others.

For example, if you say, “I know it’s frustrating to be told no, but I’m worried about your safety,” stubborn teens can begin to see the situation from your point of view. This subtle lesson in empathy helps them grow into more thoughtful and understanding individuals.


5. It Helps Mothers Stay Calm and Patient

Handling stubborn teens can be emotionally draining, but putting yourself in their shoes fosters patience. When mothers empathize with their teen’s struggles, it becomes easier to respond calmly, even in challenging situations. This approach not only prevents arguments from escalating but also sets a positive example for how stubborn teens should handle conflict themselves. In this blog, learn 3 effective and proven techniques for mothers to handle stubborn teens with the help of empathy, improving relationships.


3. Use Empathy to Set Boundaries

Stubborn teens can be challenging to guide, often resisting rules or pushing back against authority. However, setting boundaries with empathy is a proven and effective approach to managing their behavior while fostering trust and respect. Here’s why this method works so well for stubborn teens:


1. Empathy Acknowledges the Perspective of Stubborn Teens

Stubborn teens often resist boundaries because they feel misunderstood or unfairly treated. When mothers use empathy, they show that they understand their teen’s perspective, even if they don’t necessarily agree with it. This helps the teen feel valued and reduces their need to rebel.

For example:

  • Instead of saying, “Because I said so,” you might say, “I understand you want to stay out late because your friends are going, but I’m concerned about your safety.”
    This acknowledgment makes stubborn teens more open to compromise because they feel heard and respected.

2. Empathy Turns Boundaries into Collaborative Solutions

Stubborn teens are more likely to comply with rules when they feel involved in creating them. Empathy allows mothers to present boundaries as a partnership rather than a set of rigid demands. By involving teens in the decision-making process, mothers can diffuse resistance and build cooperation.

For example:

  • Instead of enforcing a strict curfew, you can say, “I know you want more freedom, but I also want to ensure you’re safe. Let’s agree on a time that works for both of us.”

This approach empowers stubborn teens by giving them a sense of control, reducing the likelihood of pushback.


3. Empathy Builds Trust Between Mothers and Stubborn Teens

Stubborn teens often resist boundaries when they feel a lack of trust or connection with their parents. Setting rules with empathy helps establish a foundation of mutual respect, making it easier for mothers to guide their teens effectively. When teens believe their mother truly understands their struggles, they are more likely to follow rules without defiance.

For instance:

  • A mother who says, “I know you feel like I’m being too strict, but my goal is to help you succeed,” fosters a relationship of trust. Stubborn teens respond better to guidance when they feel their mother has their best interests at heart.

4. Empathy Reduces Power Struggles with Stubborn Teens

Traditional parenting approaches that rely on authority often lead to power struggles, which can escalate stubborn behavior. Empathy diffuses these struggles by shifting the focus from “winning” the argument to finding a solution that works for both parties. Stubborn teens are less likely to dig in their heels when they don’t feel attacked.

For example:

  • Instead of saying, “You must do your homework now,” you might say, “I understand you want to relax after school. Let’s agree on a specific time for your homework so you can still unwind.”

This strategy shows stubborn teens that their needs matter, making them more likely to cooperate.


5. Empathy Helps Stubborn Teens Learn Accountability

While stubborn teens may resist boundaries initially, empathy ensures that those boundaries are delivered in a way that teaches accountability rather than fostering resentment. By explaining the reasoning behind rules and reinforcing their importance with compassion, mothers can guide their teens to make better choices.

For instance:

  • “I know it’s frustrating that you can’t use your phone during study hours, but staying focused now will help you achieve your goals.”

This method helps stubborn teens connect their actions to their outcomes, fostering personal responsibility over time.


5 Mistakes That Make Teens More Stubborn

Even with the best intentions, some common parenting mistakes can inadvertently make teens dig in their heels. Here’s what to watch out for:

  1. Dismissing Their Feelings
    • Saying things like, “It’s not a big deal,” or “You’ll get over it” makes teens feel invalidated, leading to frustration and resistance.
  2. Being Overly Controlling
    • Constant micromanaging or refusing to give them any autonomy can cause teens to rebel as a way to assert independence.
  3. Using Criticism Instead of Encouragement
    • Harsh words like, “Why can’t you just do it right?” can damage self-esteem and push teens into a defensive mindset.
  4. Engaging in Power Struggles
    • Trying to “win” every argument only escalates conflict. Teens often resist simply to avoid feeling overpowered.
  5. Failing to Apologize
    • Refusing to admit when you’re wrong sets a poor example and makes teens feel justified in their own stubbornness.

The Power of Empathy in Parenting

Empathy is not about agreeing with everything your teen does; it’s about showing that you understand and care about their perspective. By listening to their emotions, stepping into their shoes, and setting boundaries with compassion, you can build a stronger connection with your teen. Over time, this approach fosters trust and mutual respect, making it easier to navigate the challenges of raising a teenager.

So, the next time you find yourself at odds with your teen, pause, breathe, and lead with empathy. Avoiding common parenting mistakes and focusing on understanding will help your teen feel seen, heard, and valued—and may just transform your relationship for the better.

Doug has helped many people improve their relationships with their family members, click here to find out more

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